Processing Your Past Birth Experience(s)

One of the first things I do with clients if they have given birth before is to have them walk me through their previous labor from start to finish as best as they can remember.

For some of them, it's the first time they have talked through what happened. Some of them get emotional. Some of them have a weight lifted off of their shoulders. Some of them think of new things that are important for their upcoming birth and put it on their birth plan.

If they've had a doula before, they walk me through how their doula really helped them and their partner. If they haven't had a doula before, we collaborate on how I can best support them in a positive birth experience.

Along with this conversation, I give them a packet of questions to talk or journal through (or even just think about). This helps them (both mom giving birth & partner supporting her) to process through anything that happened in the previous birth(s). Some of these questions are listed below.

Getting their mental landscape in a place that is clear of fear (as much as possible) is as important as choosing where to give birth or caring for your body during pregnancy to prepare for labor and postpartum.

Work through these questions to help you process your past birth experience and begin to heal from it if it was difficult for you. Remember to be radically honest and shameless with yourself. I’d rather have you uncover some icky thoughts and feelings than pretend you don’t have any. 

LOCATION

• Where did you give birth? Was that the location where you had planned to give birth? Did you feel pressured into giving birth there?

• What was the room like? How did the environment make you feel?

  
  

  PEOPLE

•  Write out the names of all of the people that were present for your birth, both family and medical support people. 

• Now, I want you to write down which of the people present for your birth supported you in a way you were happy with, and what specifically made you happy about the way they supported you.

• Did anyone leave you feeling upset or unsupported in your birth? In which ways did they fail you?

• Was there any time during your birth that you felt disrespected?

  
  

  PROCEDURES

• Did you feel informed about the decisions you needed to make during your birth? (Pitocin, medication, IV, labor positions, etc.) 

• Were you given the opportunity to accept or decline all medical and non-medical procedures?

• Is there anything that stood out to you about how the medical procedures were handled during your birth?

• How were you spoken to throughout your birth?

• When people were touching you during and after labor, how did their touch feel and how did it make you feel?

  
  

  MOVEMENT

• Did you feel like you were pressured to give birth within a certain time frame? How do you think that affected your labor and birth?

• Were you able to move freely and listen to your body’s instincts?

• Do you wish that you had moved your body in ways that you weren’t able to or in ways that you didn’t know you were allowed to?

•  Did you give birth to your baby in your preferred position?

AFTER BIRTH

• When your baby was born, were you immediately able to bond and connect in the way you had wished?

• Was the birth of your placenta a peaceful experience? 

• Did you feel that the environment you were in allowed you to refuse unwanted newborn

  procedures and have your choices be respected and followed?

• Did you have the kind of postpartum support you most wanted / needed the days after your birth?

• Were you supported with breastfeeding and in taking care of your baby?

• Were you supported in doing the household chores (cooking, cleaning, caring for other children & pets, etc.)?

If you are interested in doula support, labor preparation sessions, or group classes START HERE. I would be honored to support you in any way that I can, working toward the goal of a positive (and even redemptive) birth experience.